Stories that left you disappointed for a reason

[Serpent]

Not just any orbs, it's "blue agate orbs"

Author's a grown a55 woman btw. The way she writes could make Wayhaven looks like Shakespeare... emphasis on could

Omfg

See this is how I like to start things off. With some good positive vibes, of making fun of people who need to be made fun of

 

[priverial]

adding to the LAD discussion (and as a heads-up, using the masc version/pronouns because this is the version i play with, lol) ... but i really do think that there's some points in the plot (related to Elias death, and Athiel's levels of awareness regarding this) might've been a last minute thing/retconned while the story developed, because otherwise it just... doesn't make sense - or worse, sounds idiotic, LOL. like bdatzmr said, Athiel thinking that MC and Elias 'just broke up' was probably done because Athiel is one of the biggest fan favorites, and there was really no way to actually make his route work without addressing this huge betrayal, and making Athiel a bit (and by that, i mean a lot) "evil".

to be honest, i do enjoy morally gray/downright evil characters, so this would actually be a plus for me (lmao), but from the start i knew that the game and the author would never really go down this route, because it's just not really the tone of the IF at all. yeah, it deals with dark topics, but it doesn't go too deep into it like other IFs go. but as a result, it just makes Athiel seem... completely dumb, and somewhat amoral but not in the sense that is fun. more in the sense of 'wow, this guy would date an horrible person just because they are nice to him/are hot' type - because well, if he thinks MC broke up with Elias because he's amnesiac and disfigured (with the plus of Elias being his brother), why would he willing date someone like that...? (to quote Emtastic).

plus, the thing about being dumb: okay, let's say that he was always just... not around... whenever someone downright said that Elias died.

(first off, regarding this point, there's an scene where Athiel blows up and tell people - MC and someone else, i think? i've played this ages ago, i don't really remember all the details, lol - to not talk about Elias "as if he's not here/died", alongside all the weird/suspicious little points throughout the story, specially if you're on his route. i know that everyone thinks that athiel is in denial, but i just don't know why, as time goes on, no one ever call him out regarding that or even try to sit down and talk with him directly; specially characters like travis, who are the 'no-nonsense', observant type. i mean, i guess it is for the drama value... but still)

SO, yeah. he was never around. but this brings the point of making him dumb - this guy is somewhat a detective who is really good at solving (fictional) murder cases, but he can't put 1+1 together and find weird or even, i don't know, annoying/guilt-trippy (does this word exist... oh well) how MC acts after what he thinks was a simple break-up? over "trivial" reasons and by MC no less.

in the start, he was 'oh, get over it ' but 1. it's part of the tsundere act, because that's the archetype of character he is (and deep down, he cares, etc etc), 2. i would understand with MCs who are joking around to cope, or in denial, or whatever... but what about MCs who are coping terribly? not sleeping, eating, leaving home, had a personality change, and above all, really treasure Elias' things still? wouldn't that be a bit... too much for a break-up? let alone one that he thinks MC was responsible for? i just think about this image.

also, yeah, the thing about his mother lying and him just believing her - specially when he knows she dislikes MC, and that she lied in other instances - is just overall very nonsensical to me. sure, let's trust her, the woman who has lied multiple times before, clearly has some issues with this person she's particularly painting in a bad light, and has a weird complex over the son (Elias) she's shielding this person from. ...??

honestly, i do think that the path where Athiel knows and still chooses to get closer to MC would be way more fun anyways. specially because it's very clear (spoilers for his route/extra)

Spoiler

that he was crushing on MC before them (MC) and Elias even started to date. he says something along the lines that he felt betrayed - hence why he lashes out on them and is so 'mean' - because he thought that MC and him had something special, until MC got with Elias. it basically stated that the three of them, Elias/MC/Athiel were friends before the former 2 got in a relationship, and that Athiel was different/closer to MC.

so yeah, it would add much more and would be genuinely interesting if Athiel was 'evil' (in quotes because i think it's silly to call a character in that IF this word) rather than dumb/insensitive... plus whatever is the fitting adjective for a guy who would date a person who dumped his brother over being amnesiac and disfigured. right after the car crash.

// plus - yes, i know this text is huge, but i need to rant - some other points:

- quoting Vanya, i also don't like Val (the parental figure, i believe that's their name...?) at all either. for me, i just think it has that "millenial quirk chungus" (i do not know how else to describe it) vibe... i just can't take it very seriously or be "attached" if that makes sense. though i guess in the setting, anything for MC would be better than their father, really...

- the writing sometimes has a huge case of purple prose. but to be fair, this happens to a lot of tumblr IFs (like the ballad of the young gods, for example. atrocious), so, i won't point fingers too much LMAO.

BUT, overall, i actually do like this game. i know it might not look like it due to this gigantic word vomit, but i think the idea was/can still be interesting and there's some fun/genuinely touching plot points (when you see it from the POV of someone who is grieving, who missed the timing and now has this huge regret). and i like athiel as well! him and elias are, funnily enough, my favorites. i enjoy these messy dynamics and angst, what can i say... (i like travis too, so when i'm tired of going through the family, i can go for this guy i've met 3 days ago. LMAOO)

edit: just some typos/etc, i just went typing as i thought about it so it might be messy still HAHA.

 

[100Poems]

Out of pure curiosity, I went to go read Love After Death due to all of the comments (as in, a lot of people complaining about it and alot of people complimenting it)

Wow that was stupid of me. I’ll probably keep reading it so that I figure out the resolution but wow

you’re telling me Juliet expected to keep up this lie when E could recover their memory any moment? And that a doctor was going to risk their entire career (how did the doctor even do this? No nurses? No other doctors?)

I get that they had an affair with each other but like who the heck cares bro, one will get you into a fight with your spouse and some gossip, the other gets you removed from the board

and also acting like Juliet would actually go through with that threat lol

Also, I get that Athiel not knowing is meant to be suspension of disbelief, but how dense must you be to not wonder why everyone is making these things such a big deal? priverial was correct to say this bro was dumb

all of it was all very dramatic, but also not dramatic at all. I don’t know how to describe it. Some plot points didn’t make sense to me either, but I could understand it kind of.

During that scene with the mc when they were trying to reach E in the car, they could have really just booked it. Dude wasn’t about to get assault charged for a trash can

the kids and kids parents and cat switching it up after learning about E’s death kinda made sense at least

Also is it just me or was the story trying to say that you can forgive and move on from an abuser? I simply do not care for him, why was there that whole scene with the co-workers after the phone call with the dad (at least for the options I chose it seemed like a possibility they were pushing.)

The most unrealistic and railroaded scene was that weird plot line where mc decided to go randomly downloading a dating app and going on a date. Do people really do that? It also made zero sense for the character I was playing, it took me way out of the story. There had to have been a better way to railroad a “breaking” scene

And also if I read “break” one more time I will claw my eyes out

I can’t believe people find this depressing. Is it interesting? I could see how people would find it interesting. It’s like watching an out of control rollercoaster and you’re waiting for it to finally crash

But depressing?

 

[Emtastic]

I can’t believe people find this depressing. Is it interesting? I could see how people would find it interesting. It’s like watching an out of control rollercoaster and you’re waiting for it to finally crash

But depressing?

I'm 100% gonna keep reading, because I never have enough to read and at least it updates. But I've kind of filed it away in the part of my brain with my mom's soap operas and reality TV: the junkiest of junk foods for reading. Can be fun, but don't stake your diet on it.

The writing is at least readable, if not particularly complex (which isn't necessarily bad; it allows it to be more accessible to different skill levels of readers), at least the son of the neighbor is adorable, the pacing isn't awful (ignoring everything to do with El), and if I can sit through awful fanfiction for millions of words in order to have something to read, I can stomach this.

 

[BiscuitB]

It's the same I'm disappointed but I want to keep reading to get a better understanding of the story. I just wish they went with the name of the IF Love After Death, not "Love After your partner ends up in a car crash has amnesia, but people are keeping up the premise that he's dead, because?"

 

[SasariRomanii]

But depressing?

It's lowkey a comedy.

Difficult to take the story seriously when MC dates another person not even a year after their lover tragically "dies" and keeps getting out of character. Everybody grief differently sure, but for a character that's been written to seem so very in love with their deceased partner? It doesn't land. Maybe if the story has a big time skip like 3-4 years ahead it'll make more sense (except the El's secretly not dead problem, of course, the only way I can think this can kinda work is if the family move out to a different state or something).

Also HARD agree with the person saying Athiel should just be bad. Like she knows MC thinks El's dead and guiltily keeps up the lie for a chance to be with MC. It'll make her much more interesting and, strangely, more likeable than this dumba55 version we got. Don't get me started on the "Athiel's just a pwetty fewwal cat uwu" and "she's so babygorl" mentality from the author and the tumblr cult.

 

[xeroxo]

It's lowkey a comedy.

Difficult to take the story seriously when MC dates another person not even a year after their lover tragically "dies" and keeps getting out of character. Everybody grief differently sure, but for a character that's been written to seem so very in love with their deceased partner? It doesn't land. Maybe if the story has a big time skip like 3-4 years ahead it'll make more sense (except the El's secretly not dead problem, of course, the only way I can think this can kinda work is if the family move out to a different state or something).

Also HARD agree with the person saying Athiel should just be bad. Like she knows MC thinks El's dead and guiltily keeps up the lie for a chance to be with MC. It'll make her much more interesting and, strangely, more likeable than this dumba55 version we got. Don't get me started on the "Athiel's just a pwetty fewwal cat uwu" and "she's so babygorl" mentality from the author and the tumblr cult.

the irony is that this is great advice/criticism but if you put this in the tumblr ask box you would be a 'hater'

 

[priverial]

Difficult to take the story seriously when MC dates another person not even a year after their lover tragically "dies" and keeps getting out of character. Everybody grief differently sure, but for a character that's been written to seem so very in love with their deceased partner? It doesn't land. Maybe if the story has a big time skip like 3-4 years ahead it'll make more sense (except the El's secretly not dead problem, of course, the only way I can think this can kinda work is if the family move out to a different state or something).

huge agree! the thing about this somewhat working with the family moving out too.

i always think about what would be the mom's plan... just keep El hidden and traumatized forever, so he would never leave their home? because otherwise, it just doesn't hold up well - even in the scenario that El never recovers his memories, he only lost the most recent ones, meaning that he remembers his whole life until MC. so, as he heals, it would make sense that he would visit the old places he liked or just, you know, going out in general or living a normal life - meaning that he and MC could end up meeting any day (and has almost happened in some instances, like when El went to the park that MC and him used to frequent and that MC also goes sometimes)... even if he doesn't remember them (MC), they obviously would and then the whole thing would be up.

plus, i definitely agree even more with the point of MC getting over El not even an year after he "dies" is very contradictory with how the whole story paints their relationship and how they felt about each other. i'd somewhat understand with Ekissa or even Athiel (since MC has known them for a while, and apparently there was some history between Athiel and MC), but with Leon and Travis...? a neighbor they were never close to/could be JEALOUS over him flirting with El and his son that MC never knew up until the accident??? okay LMAO

 

[yourstalkeroutside]

Me being pissed off aside, it's a very worrying thing that so many people are functionally illiterate and don't know it. They read by recognising certain words and then inferring what they think it means rather than reading the actual sentence. Which means that they can't grasp context clues or understand subtext. Or understand what the topic of something is without it being outright said.

Probably why so many IFs are redundant and over rely on telling not showing.

 

[BiscuitB]

Probably why so many IFs are redundant and over rely on telling not showing.

OMG THIS!

IF's made your use your imagination, made you feel how important an scenario was, pick up on things throughout the story, most had replayability. Now they just tell you what's happening and what to do. The only part that's truly interactive is me creating my character and clicking the mouse.

 

[BiscuitB]

Also just saw this and it feels little pointed.

The main point was them trying to say don't put word in my mouth, which I get totally.

 

[yourstalkeroutside]

OMG THIS!

IF's made your use your imagination, made you feel how important an scenario was, pick up on things throughout the story, most had replayability. Now they just tell you what's happening and what to do. The only part that's truly interactive is me creating my character and clicking the mouse.

I mean when illiteracy is so high you can't even write a villain doing bad things without some weirdo sending you death threats because they believe that fiction = reality, you're kinda forced to be very literal in your writing.

But also because many of those authors are illiterate themselves. The same way getting better at art requires you to draw, getting better at writing requires you to read.

If you can't comprehend a metaphor or any literary device that requires being able to understand context and read between the lines, how are you expected to write it?

 

[SasariRomanii]

OMG THIS!

IF's made your use your imagination, made you feel how important an scenario was, pick up on things throughout the story, most had replayability. Now they just tell you what's happening and what to do. The only part that's truly interactive is me creating my character and clicking the mouse.

You'd think it'd be otherwise since IF requires people to read and like reading. Nope. There are even people here with the "I'm not reading that wall of texts" mentality, even when said wall of texts uses simple words — of course they'd miss the important points and drew their own conclusions, anything to not challenge their little personal opinion/POV.

Fact is, many people skim reads, especially for stories with detailed s3x (LAD) or "hype" fight scenes because those are where most of the dopamine hits are. These are the kind of people who would say ItFO is too depressing or that the MC of Fallen Hero is pathetic, or SoH is misery p0rn, or The Golden Rose is tedious, etc etc.

Now as for the LAD author and her perceived "nuance"? Lol. Lmao. Roffl. I get this story is shorter than it should be whether she knows it or not, she has to cram plots at the risk of there being so many plot holes, insufficient character growth, brittle suspension of disbelief, and far less room for that elusive nuance. Plus the outdated prose she likes so much, it all leads to LAD becoming soap opera and wattpad-y.

Either she owns the fact that LAD is a lowkey tacky soap opera and have fun writing it, or she learns as a writer and rebuild the story from its foundation if what she wants is for it to be taken seriously and not like a shameful wattpad/tumblr fanfiction of either a hormonal 14 year olds or a hormonal 40 year olds.

PS: This is a place for criticizing authors and their story/writing without being ripped apart by blind drooling fans (cult members). If anyone wanna be supportive and pat the back of authors do that on their Tumblr ask if they have one, or subscribe to their scammey Patreon

 

[Emtastic]

Also just saw this and it feels little pointed.

The main point was them trying to say don't put word in my mouth, which I get totally.

I feel like we've been called out or other spaces are having eerily similar discussions around the exact same points, haha. Both very possible! But, uhh, all the things she's brought up are open to reader interpretations? (As an aside, if this was directed here: I don't think anyone said "this is why author did X", instead it was "I wonder if this is why author did X." Speculation can be wrong. especially about things like motivation and inspiration.)

That she is adamant that Athiel's popularity didn't change her story direction doesn't actually fix the issue for me, personally. Because that means that the whole premise of the story has been misleading from the start on purpose, lol.

She probably should think about avoiding and ignoring criticism if it bothers her so deeply; some people can use criticism to improve, others cannot because they feel personally attacked. I've gotten my feelings hurt by people misunderstanding my intentions in my own writing before, or even just because I was sad they didn't like what I wrote, so I get it. But not liking crit isn't going to stop people from doing it.

There's really no making 'my dead husband was never really dead!!! Dun DUN dun' into something other than over the top without a looooot more subtlety, time, and buildup. As @SasariRomanii said above, she should just lean into the OTT soap opera feel if LAD's direction is how she likes it. Own it and keep on that track. The way it is written has an audience, I'm just not it.

 

[100Poems]

Also just saw this and it feels little pointed.

The main point was them trying to say don't put word in my mouth, which I get totally.

lol ok either a coincidence or this is a call-out like Emtastic said

With that in mind, I decided to introspect and see if any of it was calling out what I said. I think not, or I would have refuted points. Well, except for maybe that “dad phone call” part I wrote but that wasn’t the main topic of their rant.

Now I was trying to see if there was a specific “narrative” they were disliking. So I would have preferred more concrete examples of what they meant by “Person A did xyz” that was misinterpreted but reasonable they didn’t if it was talked to death.

I am making a guess that the main thing is that they disliked, specifically, people saying that “the author purposefully changed Athiel to not know about Juliet’s lies because Athiel became popular”? But there are points in there paragraph that don’t make sense if that was the case.

correct me and call me dumb if I missed something obvious

It does look like they’re embracing the cliche and soap opera title, which I think is a good direction at least. People love soap operas and cliches for a reason, and I mean one of the reasons I still went to see what was happening in the story was because of the “El is alive” cliche. I thought it made more sense than falling in love 2 or 3 months after they ‘died’

It does ruin the premise of the game “Love After Death” understandable why people left.

But have there been people saying that you aren’t allowed to enjoy it because of that cliche? It seems like they’re calling out people who are saying that if you read LAD you’re inferior/shouldnt talk about it with their last paragraph.

my conclusion is that the “soap opera” thing was likely just a coincidence. Because the (recent) points brought up here don’t match the rant that the author wrote. I’m guessing whatever triggered it wasn’t here

(Side note, when we learned that the doctor’s spouse wrote obituaries, I was so sure we were going to at least have the chance to ask if they were gonna write El’s and was disappointed to see it glossed over.)

Off topic, if I was an IF author, I would just avoid this section when ego-searching (this is said neutrally, for the record). the people who post here will likely be your haters, but ones who aren’t rude enough to send it to your inbox

…I don’t at least haha

 

[BiscuitB]

"Yes I'm the happiest when people love my work and the RO's but if I wanted to be swayed, I would've brought El back sooner."

For me this mean your were still persuaded, may have not done it sooner but you was going to, it a cliche sure but such a low par one for me. Now that might be mean with you saying in the first chapter there were hints. However when it first came out I never saw any hints about him being alive. They wrote ALOT of the grief and what the MC was feeling, but hey that's me (I know the doctor one but that's all I see)

You don't know how many constructive criticism ask Iare sitting in my inbox. I kept them for when LAD is completed, to edit/polish

Whilst I appreciate you have these, not posting them at all feel like your just publicly living in a echo chamber of fans who love you. Posting about these give people the confidence to maybe bring up something you've not realised. Although I appreciate you posting the question, does feel like a very =kind they way you've responded.

If your having to make a post like this because of people are putting word in your "mouth" I think you need to look at the subtext more, and reflect. Maybe that's just me. They say they could've done or that, and yes you could've but you didn't.

You could've follow through with Athiel meanness and cruelty not only cause they were in love with you but also hates you for their brothers death. You could've made El dead and talked about the grief of losing a love one and guilt and struggle of falling in love with another. You could've expanded the hatred that Juliet has due to the death of her child, but you didn't. You didn't do all of those things and we may never know why, but the subtext that you provide through comments, question and posts is that you wanted people to enjoy your work, feel a little loved, damn the stakes of what' could've been an amazing story.

Not everyone is going to love what people write, it's been like this for centuries, but my gosh people really need to grow a back bone. Having the access to everything online at the tips of your fingers has made people dumb and stupidly sympathetic in the IF/VN