Stories that left you disappointed for a reason

[Gone_Dead]

On another note. The ""best friend"" character in Mantle Mask On is abhorrent (esp playing as a reserved civilian character). The most selfish, annoying, egoistic piece of stinking rotting crap there is in the story, somehow even worse than the Redfern b8tch. Like I just want MC to go back home and leave that turd of a puta to pay rent with her many... Ahem, clientèle (to put it nicely).

Its clear the author has certain views and they are not willing to change them. I really like Mantle, i think its superhero elements were fun. But the way the characters are written and even the MC is written in specific situations makes it clear the author wants to project their own beliefs onto the readers not giving them room to question it. Like I saw an ask that talked about this in detail. How the MC doesnt seem to care that Foster sleeps around. The MC never pushes back on this matter. Foster talks shamelessly about ****ing everything that moves and the MC acts like its normal. That ask also mentioned about Foster having commitment problems and i also agree since the MC themselves say that Foster used to jump from one partner to another every week or 2 during High School. But the author said that Foster doesnt have commitment problems at all. The argument with the MC and Foster is fine, they're traumatized and very dependent on the MC. But the fact the author justifies Foster making it official with some rando over a week of dating and inviting said rando to the apartment MC lives in without informing them baffles me. I would lose my **** if my best friend brought in his gf to our apartment to stay the day within the second week of us living in it, all without informing me. The MC also acts like a ***** throughout the confrontation with Foster's partner. And the partner is specifically writen to make MC look as pathetic as possible which the author denies. That partner is purposefully portrayed as this non chalant, self confident, hot person who's lovey dovey with Foster. I would even say it felt like self inserting but i dont want to persume.

Compare this with Split, another IF i like. The authors write some dark stuff, but at the same time the authors also calls us out if we do said dark stuff. For eg, the MC can be someone who sleeps around. If this is the case and we decide to romance one of the RO's who's like this pure angel, one of the side characters will specifically inform this said RO that the MC is a loose cannon with commitment issues, that they sleep around a lot. The author's writing unapologetically calls out every type of MC whenever they do something dark or selectively unappealing. The MC can do the same too despite being a killer Mafia guy. One of the author writes 2 of the ROs in the story. One of the RO is like the most unconventional unappealing toxic af 40 something year old mafia killer guy. The other RO is this angel sent down from heavens, pure, supportive, cliche soulmate kind of romance which i mentioned eariler(not necessarily healthy but mostly appealing). This is what i expect from IF authors. You have to write with the readers in mind. You have to put yourself in the shoes of a reader and write accordingly when youre going to write controversial scenarios and characters. I can understand in specific IF's where the MCs are more of their own person but its still very unsatisfying when the author makes everyone in their if pretend their own beliefs are the only right. Thats why i dropped DYVJ. As much as the premise is promising i cant pretend to like it when all the author does is project their own beliefs onto their work without any room for doubt or disagreement.

 

[Raijin_01]

Its clear the author has certain views and they are not willing to change them. I really like Mantle, i think its superhero elements were fun. But the way the characters are written and even the MC is written in specific situations makes it clear the author wants to project their own beliefs onto the readers not giving them room to question it. Like I saw an ask that talked about this in detail. How the MC doesnt seem to care that Foster sleeps around. The MC never pushes back on this matter. Foster talks shamelessly about ****ing everything that moves and the MC acts like its normal. That ask also mentioned about Foster having commitment problems and i also agree since the MC themselves say that Foster used to jump from one partner to another every week or 2 during High School. But the author said that Foster doesnt have commitment problems at all. The argument with the MC and Foster is fine, they're traumatized and very dependent on the MC. But the fact the author justifies Foster making it official with some rando over a week of dating and inviting said rando to the apartment MC lives in without informing them baffles me. I would lose my **** if my best friend brought in his gf to our apartment to stay the day within the second week of us living in it, all without informing me. The MC also acts like a ***** throughout the confrontation with Foster's partner. And the partner is specifically writen to make MC look as pathetic as possible which the author denies. That partner is purposefully portrayed as this non chalant, self confident, hot person who's lovey dovey with Foster. I would even say it felt like self inserting but i dont want to persume.

Compare this with Split, another IF i like. The authors write some dark stuff, but at the same time the authors also calls us out if we do said dark stuff. For eg, the MC can be someone who sleeps around. If this is the case and we decide to romance one of the RO's who's like this pure angel, one of the side characters will specifically inform this said RO that the MC is a loose cannon with commitment issues, that they sleep around a lot. The author's writing unapologetically calls out every type of MC whenever they do something dark or selectively unappealing. The MC can do the same too despite being a killer Mafia guy. One of the author writes 2 of the ROs in the story. One of the RO is like the most unconventional unappealing toxic af 40 something year old mafia killer guy. The other RO is this angel sent down from heavens, pure, supportive, cliche soulmate kind of romance which i mentioned eariler(not necessarily healthy but mostly appealing). This is what i expect from IF authors. You have to write with the readers in mind. You have to put yourself in the shoes of a reader and write accordingly when youre going to write controversial scenarios and characters. I can understand in specific IF's where the MCs are more of their own person but its still very unsatisfying when the author makes everyone in their if pretend their own beliefs are the only right. Thats why i dropped DYVJ. As much as the premise is promising i cant pretend to like it when all the author does is project their own beliefs onto their work without any room for doubt or disagreement.

I mean why everything that smells superhero interactive fiction never escapes the cucking allegation? *especially hard coughing fit on A Tale of Cuck

 

[SasariRomanii]

But the fact the author justifies Foster making it official with some rando over a week of dating and inviting said rando to the apartment MC lives in without informing them baffles me. I would lose my **** if my best friend brought in his gf to our apartment to stay the day within the second week of us living in it, all without informing me.

Oh, don't forget. That rando also used MCs towel (mistakenly, but doesn't immediately switch it up and throw it into the laundry when told it doesn't belong to Foster), then they flirted shamelessly with MC in front of their current bf/gf. And the "bestie" character still have the audacity to defend this disgusting rando than their long time best-friend who's been like a free-of-charge caregiver to her.

Still on the annoying character, I would like to add Lucy from The Lost Bride into the burning pile. I won't elaborate cause that'll be a long a55 rant. All I'll say is she gives major icks. She and Drac. Nasty, disgusting, absolute TRASH.

 

[seneya]

Lucy from The Lost Bride

I thought she was cute :v Her bad tendencies (like clingy-ness) get exaggerated due to being vamp-ed, but it's not really her at that point.
Drac I'm pretty sure is SUPPOSED to be creepy and icky.

 

[SasariRomanii]

I thought she was cute :v Her bad tendencies (like clingy-ness) get exaggerated due to being vamp-ed, but it's not really her at that point.
Drac I'm pretty sure is SUPPOSED to be creepy and icky.

Eh, to each their own. That clingy-ness and spoiled rotten tendencies are exactly why she's annoying to me, even before being vamped, like b8tch chill out just cause you're a girl like MC doesn't make you feel less... err... ya know what I'm not gonna say it but it's not good. Drac is supposed to be creepy, but icky? I'm not sure that's the author's goal but that's what's served in the end so who knows. I guess this is also a byproduct of reading the actual book, and knowing how the canon characters actually are... Yeah, nowhere near like THAT. Lucy's character is tragic in the book, but in this IF (and the super popular movie)? Lol. She can get worse.

 

[100Poems]

Reading this discussion, I think for my sanity, I will no longer read Mantle Mask On. But, I was curious on what the people on the forum were saying.
So I went to look and found a post on the forum https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/w...iven-superhero-story-375-000-words/172224/207

i was wondering why the author decided to give three very specific heights, but it seems they think that gives players more agency instead of a range? which? huh? ok I don't really care about height but still strange to think that offering 3 heights instead of a range would give players more agency.

this person who gave feedback in the first place went on a long talk about it further https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/w...iven-superhero-story-375-000-words/172224/218. If you want a well-thought, elegant criticism, read that, though the author decided the objects mentioned did not need changing.

The below is my further rant because I feel like I wasted time on something I was never going to like.

---

Apparently, the character feeling like an already established character is a feature not a defect...
the author says, "Again, we’re coming into personal preference. I like to write the MC with a bit of their own agency—especially early in the game—to give the player a defined vessel within the world to inhabit."

no wonder it felt like mc was their own character lol.

the author says this too "And, hopefully, provides a richer vessel for the player to play with. Because, they ultimately get to decide what these indicators mean."

But when they say this, it really feels like I've been given a pre-built DND character, but I

1. Don't know their backstory
2. Don't know their powers or their origins
3. Don't know their personality quirks until the DM tells me (apparently mc has a hero-complex and is compulsively arrogant in their heroics?)
4. Don't know the setting of the world I'm in except for some vague text. ok fine, I can learn, but I
5. Must learn everything about the characters, lore, and more through very long text interspersed with describing the immediate vicinity that will not matter longer than that scene.
and then, decide why the DND character is doing the thing they're currently doing.

Ok number 5 is more of a me problem because I couldn't get into the writing style. but still.

 

[Glitch]

Eh, to each their own. That clingy-ness and spoiled rotten tendencies are exactly why she's annoying to me, even before being vamped, like b8tch chill out just cause you're a girl like MC doesn't make you feel less... err... ya know what I'm not gonna say it but it's not good. Drac is supposed to be creepy, but icky? I'm not sure that's the author's goal but that's what's served in the end so who knows. I guess this is also a byproduct of reading the actual book, and knowing how the canon characters actually are... Yeah, nowhere near like THAT. Lucy's character is tragic in the book, but in this IF (and the super popular movie)? Lol. She can get worse.

Don’t tell me Lucy gets even worse than she already is in the first few chapters. I haven’t read the last two chapters yet.

I was planning to play it ( put it off because we have to replay after every small update ), but do we finally get to see Jonathan, "the supposed fiancé", or is he still in les oubliettes?

I remember when the IF was written by Fidere and called Wilhelmina, before it was eventually dropped and picked up by this new author. When people asked whether they had permission to take over the IF, the author shut down and locked the thread after being accused of taking Fidere’s IF without changing or adding anything. They eventually came back and continued the project, but made a point of not responding to those comments. That said, I did notice that the parts carried over from Wilhelmina are well-written and polished compared to the new additions, which feel less so. The new added choices also aren't particularly fulfilling, varied, or impactful. Most of the time, they feel more like skip buttons than actual choices.

What bothers me is that Jonathan actually had some presence in the original Wilhelmina. We could send him letters, and we could choose whether to stay with Lucy or go rescue him. Unfortunately, it got abandoned when we got to the chapter where we go rescue him. Is any of that still possible in the current version, or do we still not get to see him even in the last two chapters?

From the chapters I’ve played so far, Jonathan only appears when we reminisce about him. We can’t even write him a letter in response to his or express concern for him, and the only way to gain romance points with him is through the choices about whom to spend our time with.

Meanwhile, so much of the story revolves around Lucy and her suitors that it sometimes feels like we're playing as one of Lucy's ROs rather than Mina herself. And that's what bothers me about the romance mechanics. We have to choose between Jonathan, Dracula, (and the even more forgotten third RO) when deciding whom to spend time with if we want to raise their romance points, but Lucy can gain romance points throughout the story regardless of whom we choose. In other words, pursuing Jonathan or Dracula means potentially missing out on opportunities with the other, while pursuing Lucy doesn't seem to come with the same trade-off. She gets to remain a constant romantic presence in the story while the other ROs are sidelined.

Honestly, it makes Lucy feel like the main RO in what's supposed to be Mina and Dracula's tragic love story.

 

[seneya]

I was planning to play it, but do we finally get to see Jonathan, "the supposed fiancé", or is he still in les oubliettes?

The last public update is where you go to the monastery where he is, specifically to visit him. The next public update will make it possible to marry him. Afaik the author was also working on adding more scenes with him to the early game.

And Lucy can die next chapter I believe.

 

[LtheStoryteller]

I would even say it felt like self inserting

From what I've seen and know, a good rule of thumb is to watch almost all ifs/wips created through this lense. Sure, there are exceptions that prove the rule, which are basically a needle in the haystack that is worth folks' time, but aside from those, almost every if/wip is a self insert or a glorified fanfic pretty much. To elaborate.
Almost every if/wip is written as a fanfic, without the game mindset. People creating them, for the most part, don't really care about interactivity and someone else playing it. They just want people to read and approve of their glorified fanfiction, though why not just wright that and instead opting out for ifs/wips in the first place is beyond me. I suppose because this way they get a) some type of "fame" (basically recognition that they don't get in real life), and b) which is just milking people for money, because they can't do that with just writing a fanfic, so they have to make something that can be paraded as a "product of value". Either way, that is why many ifs/wips feel like you already get a set character, or that whatever you do, you are at the mercy of the plot and whatever the writer has in store for you, which makes all of your choices basically useless.

Now, not to be the doom and gloom but that's just how it is. I get taking personal beliefs and feelings and thoughts and doing something with them within the work, but unless you understand that it's supposed to be a game where you actually have a blank slate mc who is supposed to lead the show and be created in a unique way, to be their own person, it will (almost) always turn out as a fanfic.
Still, not saying that you can't have great stories with a preset mc, and a great example that I'd give would be something like Ballad of the Young Gods. Sure, you can still adjust mc's personality, but mc is canonically supposed to be this great, beautiful, adoring, successful individual, and since it's written quite well, it all goes well, smooth sailing.
Then again, you'll have other **** where it's written badly, where mc is not mc but an npc (arcadie, and that superhero one where you're "the strongest in the team" but your team does everything while you can't accomplish ****), or mc is just a ****ing pathetic loser, which I can't fadom why anyone would want to be but okay (looking at wwc and the likes), but yeah. When written badly, it reads more like a book that you don't want to read, because you have an illusion of a main character, while being a side character. Take Goldfinch (the book) for example. And then just take that, have the protagonist be an mc, and take the rest of the book as it is literally written, and you'll get 98% of ifs/wips.

I get that it's extra work, and is exactly why my game branches to all hell and takes eons to be written, but unless you're going to put an effort and make a game, then just don't make "a game" in the first place, and just write fanfiction. That's my advice

 

[Parallax]

Ballad of the Young Gods.

By the way, do you happen to know if the author plans to work on their other WIPs, or have they been cancelled? I’m not a fan of this particular one, but really enjoyed the others—if I recall correctly, one was about vampires and the other about being a serial killer..? Unless I’ve got things mixed up, and those were by a different author than the one who creates BotYG? Idk, these WIPs were active quite a while ago.

 

[LtheStoryteller]

By the way, do you happen to know if the author plans to work on their other WIPs, or have they been cancelled? I’m not a fan of this particular one, but really enjoyed the others—if I recall correctly, one was about vampires and the other about being a serial killer..? Unless I’ve got things mixed up, and those were by a different author than the one who creates BotYG? Idk, these WIPs were active quite a while ago.

As far as I know, though take this with a grain of salt, Axel did mention something about someone asking about his older wips, and he did mention that he will probably continue it since a lot of people are asking for it, so there's that (something with bones in the title I think, though as I said, my recollection is a bit iffy). Aside from that, I don't know anything else, or at least nothing that I can recall at the moment

 

[BiscuitB]

By the way, do you happen to know if the author plans to work on their other WIPs, or have they been cancelled? I’m not a fan of this particular one, but really enjoyed the others—if I recall correctly, one was about vampires and the other about being a serial killer..? Unless I’ve got things mixed up, and those were by a different author than the one who creates BotYG? Idk, these WIPs were active quite a while ago.

These Crimson String was the vampire one. I really enjoyed reading that but that's been about 4 years since it's been looked at. I just hope they'll be consistent with their current story. I believe they had issue previously with copying but I have no idea just read it on their ask when they first started BoYG