So I've been writing a story for a few days now, intending to make it to choicescript once its finished, but i feel like there's something wrong with it. I suspect lack of emotion or too linear, idk i only been a writer for a few months. I don't know about this stuff, so i want your help on finding whats wrong with it. Anything is okay really im not looking for really brilliant critique just enough so i can pinpoint whats been bothering me, thank you.
The following story is a bit cringe and bad so please don't raise your expectation too high, or you might end up dissapointed. Also its only a short part of the book, and when i mean short really short so dont expect something 30k words or something the biggest i did was 6k and that was a long time ago:
- - -
If you peer at the window for too long. You will see the realm of discordance flicker to oblivion. --
Darkness, it utterly consumes you. Like ravenous fire clawing its way to firm dried leaves. Suffocating, encompassing. As if you were floating at the midst of the sea, as an anthracite storm brew aggressively at the horizon.
At the distance, you could see the monstrous jaw of the murky void. Moving at the speed of celerity, destroying everything on its path. Like a century old storm ready to shatter anything that gets on its way.
You do not recall, how long, and why you got here. You try searching your brain for any clue on when, and what got you into this mess. But it seems the effort is in vain as nothing but silence greets you.
Suddenly a sudden shake shocks the empty darkened ambience, that is the void.
Flabbergasted, you frantically turn your head around to find nothing but the dark empty space that is emptiness.
You want to pretend that it was just your imagination playing a trick on you, but the reality of the situation is too sudden and vivid, for it to be in your mind.
Instead you endeavor on finding anything that can help you get a grasp on where you are and what that was, when suddenly. The world exploded to a thousand fragments of broken terracotta and sandstone.
## ? Millenia ago:
You were walking down a sandy path on the desert, in the midst of a storm.
Moistened sweat pouring down your face and to the rest of your physique. Staining your cloth and garment, as suddenly your feet come to a abrupt halt for an unknown reason.
You try moving your legs. But the effort seems to be futile, as the sand around your feet. Completely claw unto your boots, rendering your footwear useless and making your feet inert.
It has been approximately three days since you started this journey. At that time the things you've been able to see was, a endless cycle of sand and rigid sandstone.
You had hope, you'll reach the nearest settlement before three cycles of the moon has passed. But it seems that hope has simply vanish when you truly get the glimpse of the complete grand scale of the aranian wasteland.
Letting out a deep sigh of exasperation. You try moving your legs again, in hope you might be able to obliterate the inertia surrounding your foot. but you only made it worse when the sand around it, only glued deeper into your footwear.
Keeping your demeanor calm. You contemplate on what to do next, when suddenly a bright red flash cloaked the nearby sky. Turning everything into pandemonium.
The once abated storm, has once again turned into a whirling anarchic mess. Thousands of hundreds of pile saturated small particles, spin in every direction.
Settling inside your cloth. Inside your eyes. It continues until finally... your covered in a plump of sand. Not having the ability to breath, darkness takes over you in a matter of seconds.
- - -
The following story is a bit cringe and bad so please don't raise your expectation too high, or you might end up dissapointed. Also its only a short part of the book, and when i mean short really short so dont expect something 30k words or something the biggest i did was 6k and that was a long time ago:
- - -
If you peer at the window for too long. You will see the realm of discordance flicker to oblivion. --
Darkness, it utterly consumes you. Like ravenous fire clawing its way to firm dried leaves. Suffocating, encompassing. As if you were floating at the midst of the sea, as an anthracite storm brew aggressively at the horizon.
At the distance, you could see the monstrous jaw of the murky void. Moving at the speed of celerity, destroying everything on its path. Like a century old storm ready to shatter anything that gets on its way.
You do not recall, how long, and why you got here. You try searching your brain for any clue on when, and what got you into this mess. But it seems the effort is in vain as nothing but silence greets you.
Suddenly a sudden shake shocks the empty darkened ambience, that is the void.
Flabbergasted, you frantically turn your head around to find nothing but the dark empty space that is emptiness.
You want to pretend that it was just your imagination playing a trick on you, but the reality of the situation is too sudden and vivid, for it to be in your mind.
Instead you endeavor on finding anything that can help you get a grasp on where you are and what that was, when suddenly. The world exploded to a thousand fragments of broken terracotta and sandstone.
## ? Millenia ago:
You were walking down a sandy path on the desert, in the midst of a storm.
Moistened sweat pouring down your face and to the rest of your physique. Staining your cloth and garment, as suddenly your feet come to a abrupt halt for an unknown reason.
You try moving your legs. But the effort seems to be futile, as the sand around your feet. Completely claw unto your boots, rendering your footwear useless and making your feet inert.
It has been approximately three days since you started this journey. At that time the things you've been able to see was, a endless cycle of sand and rigid sandstone.
You had hope, you'll reach the nearest settlement before three cycles of the moon has passed. But it seems that hope has simply vanish when you truly get the glimpse of the complete grand scale of the aranian wasteland.
Letting out a deep sigh of exasperation. You try moving your legs again, in hope you might be able to obliterate the inertia surrounding your foot. but you only made it worse when the sand around it, only glued deeper into your footwear.
Keeping your demeanor calm. You contemplate on what to do next, when suddenly a bright red flash cloaked the nearby sky. Turning everything into pandemonium.
The once abated storm, has once again turned into a whirling anarchic mess. Thousands of hundreds of pile saturated small particles, spin in every direction.
Settling inside your cloth. Inside your eyes. It continues until finally... your covered in a plump of sand. Not having the ability to breath, darkness takes over you in a matter of seconds.
- - -
